


Drag Me to the Surface

by smileybagel



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Drabble, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Post Operation Pitfall, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 19:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smileybagel/pseuds/smileybagel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Raleigh looks at Mako without really seeing her and turns back to Gipsy's old spot, his brother's name another whisper on his lips and the anteverse hissing in his mind.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>au in which Raleigh returns from the breach a changed man</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drag Me to the Surface

**Author's Note:**

> great fic to post on yancy's birthday, wouldn't you say?

It's one of those things that no one notices until they do. There were no clues or signs that it was going to happen, it just did. And because it just _happens_ no one knows what to do to help or to fix it, they don't even know how to react to it other than _silence_ and _minding their own business._

And that might be the worst part of it.

Everyone knows Raleigh has a problem with insomnia; half the Shatterdome has seen him wandering the halls at least once since he was shipped there from the Wall. None of that is new. What's new is the increasing amount of time Raleigh spends in the halls after the Breach is closed, after the Marshal sleeps in a watery grave, and after Chuck Hansen is salvaged in pieces three hundred miles away from the Hong Kong coast only to be buried a month later because his body can't handle the payload's radiation. What's new is seeing Raleigh walk without a purpose during the day, making his way around crew members and soldiers like he's stuck in his state of insomnia-powered ghosting.

Mako has moved herself into his room, with all of her jaeger tech and blueprints piled on the side she's claimed. She doesn't explain why and Marshal Hansen doesn't ask when she tells him her old room is now vacant, in case any one wants it, he just waves her off with a quiet order _to keep that damn boy grounded_. After the first week of sleeping in his-their room, Mako's bed becomes untouched, the sheets perfect but missing a pillow and the blanket, as she climbs into Raleigh's bed every night. She remains in constant contact with him while he stares at the ceiling and Mako tries to tell herself that's okay, and she thinks that he feels like death.

Before his skin was like fire, like the sun, like the molten core at the center of the earth, before he told her how easy it was to fall and sent her to surface to brave the creatures at their door by himself.

But now his skin reminds Mako of the beasts that wrecked their planet for so many years. Still, she clings to him and holds his hand when he walks out into the halls at two in the morning, whispering _yancy_ like it's the only word he knows, hoping some of her heat will transfer to him before his blood freezes and his heart stops.

Raleigh doesn't eat on his own anymore and he has to be led to the mess hall, his hand in Mako's as she takes them up to get food and then back down the stairs to sit and eat. Herc takes to sitting at their table, and Tendo finds his way there more often than not. They don't mention how Raleigh eats like it's a command he has to follow instead of an life-sustaining need, and Mako finds she is equal parts grateful and angry because no one will say anything. Herc looks at Raleigh like he's the son he lost, like he's failed him all over again, and Tendo can't look at Raleigh without asking for forgiveness from Yancy because he failed his brother. Eventually, Raleigh finishes his meal and sits quietly with his hands in lap, waiting for Mako to finish so they can go somewhere else, so he can be left alone to his thoughts without the bustle of the mess creating unnecessary noise.

Herc growls and slams his hands on the table, startling everyone but Raleigh who stares at the tabletop, unblinking, and stands. He glares down at Raleigh like he wants to say something, to yell and scream, and tear the boy apart until he starts working again, but he settles for heated silence as he stalks out of the mess. Tendo stares after him and Mako is close to tears, biting her lip.

Raleigh doesn't register it. He tugs at Mako's hand, frowns slightly when he sees the welled-up tears, and bumps his forehead against hers. He remembers more of the English language, but all he can say is, "Don't..."

_Don't cry, don't be sad, don't hurt._

Mako gets up, leaves their trays at the table, and leads Raleigh up to Gipsy's old catwalk. The rafters sway with their movements, finally settling when they sit at the edge. Only then does Mako let her tears go, crying even harder when Raleigh's hand tightens around hers and his head leans on her shoulder. At some point, Mako pulls away and Raleigh lifts his head, but he's not looking at her. He's staring out into the empty space where Gipsy would have been.

In the lights of the Shatterdome, Mako can see how the Ranger next to her has broken. His hair is lackluster and dull, even though she's sure he washes it still, and his clothes hang from his frame. The sweater that has the phantom scent of Yancy hangs off of his shoulders like his body has turned skeletal. His cheeks look ashen and he hardly shaves anymore, so he has a ragged beard growing. Mako thinks it would've looked nice if her co-pilot wasn't half-dead where he sat. The only part of him that holds life anymore are is his eyes.

Mako's hands shake as she cups his face in them and turns his gaze towards her. His bright blue eyes don't hold the same life to them, but there's something living in the orbs. The Drift lives in them, holding Raleigh in a flurry of memories, and the stars and lights of whatever he saw on the other side of the Breach ( _the anteverse, something in her head that sounds like raleigh whispers_ ) fight with the memories and hold them captive. The universe stares back at Mako through Raleigh's eyes and Mako remembers how space is the loneliest part of the world, the coldest part.

Raleigh looks at Mako without really seeing her and turns back to Gipsy's old spot, his brother's name another whisper on his lips and the anteverse hissing in his mind.

Mako contemplates sliding off the rafters with Raleigh's hand in hers, and falling to ground hundreds of feet below if only it would erase the damage done to them.


End file.
